Sunday, January 17, 2010

week 3: minetta tavern

i'm going to make this plain and simple: 

there's life before
black label burger
there's life after 
the minetta tavern 
black label burger

and in between that,
there's this little slice of heaven
where you don't exactly know how it's possible that a burger can taste this good,
but you know that it does,
and you know that it is the best burger you've ever had,
and you somehow know that it is the best burger you ever will have,
and you are very ok with that.

{you are also very ok with the $26 that you are dropping on it}

i've never decided that about a food before...
that not only is this the best thing i've ever had,
but it is also the best thing i ever will have.
...and here i am at the ripe old age of 20,
 at the climax of my burger eating career.

now, i've never been married before,
but i imagine that this is what finding "the right one" is like.
you know,
sure there are a zillion other men (or burgers)
out there that have yet to be dated (or tasted)
but if this was the last man (burger)
i ever dated (tasted)
i'd be fully satisfied with that.

and here's why i'm allowed to claim this as 
the best burger EVER:

1. he agrees,
he agrees, 
most of them agree,
my teacher agrees
 frank would agree if it weren't $26 (pshhh..),
and someone named the beef aficionado agrees.

2. the shell.
the best things have little shells...
-french fries
but have you ever met a burger with a shell??
with every little bite, 
there was a crunch!
not a burnt type of crunch,
but a completely satisfying and tasty crunch that added a whole new element!

3. the bun did exactly what a bun should do
it was a vehicle for the meat.
it complimented.
it absorbed.
it provided a little pillow. 
it did not try to steal the show.

in essence, 
the bun was the elenor roosevelt to the meat.

4. the burger did not need a single accouterment.
(by default, 
it is topped with grilled onions, but that's part of the package)
it's served with a tomato and lettuce slice,
but i'd argue that's just a formality.
no cheese.
and condiments?
nuh uh.

there are foods that are made to be friends with condiments
(pommes frites, 5napkin, heck- everything could use some mustard)
but even i felt uneasy about even so much as a spec of dijon!
normally for me it's like,
do you want some burger with your mustard?
there is just SO MUCH taste in this burger,
that it need not be covered up with
condiment shenanigans. 

5. the taste
i mean DUH.
but seriously.
you don't even know
you don't even know.

and the added bonuses:

the fries!
no fry has ever been crispy enough
or salty enough for me
{hence the usual mustard slatherage}
but these,
like the burger,
were perfect sans condiment.

the hefeweizen that washed it down

my waitress
a place with food as good as this can afford to have a-hole wait people
cause, i mean, i'd go back either way.
but miss wait was so very nice!

my walk home
approximately a hundred blocks (approximately five miles)
it made me feel fine about eating cows and fries for dinner
and i discovered,
that if you walk up town via the east side,
you completely bypass the sex shops.

now people, you hear me:
if you're ever in new york,
if you're not a vegetarian,
{even if you are*}
and get a black label burger.

oh how i want another one RIGHT NOW!! but ladies and gents, i've got 49 more restaurants to go!
{still... i'll probably go here again soon}



*"awesome. i'm saving this week's meat day for when i visit you. "
~pescetarian friend rob

minetta tavern is located on macdougal street in the west village


my name is lauren. said...

oh how jealous i am now. i wish i was in NY to be able to taste such deliciousness. this burger sounds truly amazing!

Melly said...

You crack me up Molly!! I love reading about all the restaurants you try. I've been in the city all my life and haven't been to any of these places! Keep 'em comin'!

Margarita said...

OMG I am So jealous of this burger. There's a place in Vancouver that does an amazing burger, I think *I* do the best one, but NYC does have some pretty good eats... Must try on the next visit!

coooosh said...

After reading this I feel like I can actually taste this burger. I am packing on the calories just from your vivid and very delectable writing. I better hit the treadmill now!

Alicia said...

It's 8 a.m. and I totally want that burger!

daisychain said...

your torturing me now :(

Marlena said...

haha i totally agree with you on the crush thing, once you actually snag the boy he doesn't look as great and shiny close up.

haha love your posts, they always make me laugh. I love how enthusiastic you are about food, a die-hard foodie. My brother saw this post and he was like "let's go get burgers". It's 9 a.m.

H said...

Every blogpost i read seems to making me hungry. Burger... chips.... ahhhhh...

Chelsea D Howell said...

this is the best idea ever - a food challenge! in new york city! wow, i'm inspired :)

dandelion daydream photography said...

so i am definitely writing down this tavern for when i go to nyc! hahah awesome post, it made me laugh!

Rhianne said...

wow, I want to go to there.

Katy Mary said...

I just love your writing style girly & I love burgers. Next time I'm in NY I will have to go here.

Carissa said...

I think you made me drool a bit! haha. I even had a burger tonight, a homemade one, and now I want a burger... THIS burger... alas, I am on the wrong coast, but when I do make it to New York, because one day I WILL, I will remember minetta tavern!

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