Saturday, October 30, 2010

becoming schnitzel.

a narrative d.i.y.

you will need: 
two yards of schnitzel colored fabric, half a yard of yellow fabric, as much green felt as the nice man at the fabric store will give you for free, some needles & thread, 
and either emotional stability or somebody on call for when you need emotional stability. 
clues:
1. cut two pieces of brown fabric into very large matching schnitzel shapes {being careful to include orbs!!}
if you would like to add sexiness, do it now: rip off a shoulder, cut the bottom too short, or create some curve-hugging sections.
2. sew one half together.
3. become frustrated and cry {a la halloween of '06, '02, and '99} 
tweet about it. call mommy. it's ok.
4. sew the other half together.
5. stuff a few socks with paper towels, sew them into the orbs.
sew on the outside of the orbs to create the effect of an extra crispy edge
 at this point you may elect to be a lump of clay or poop. 
6. make a lemon!
cut out a circle, fold it in half, sew most of it, stuff it, sew the rest, draw lemony lines.
7. sew the lemon onto your brown shape wherever you want.
 like this! but also, at this point you can elect to be a long island iced tea.
8. make parsley! 
you may want to google image search "parsley" 
so that you don't end up as a lemon-mint bloody mary or 
a weed-dealing piece of poop with lemon on it. 
and... tada!!
you are a schnitzel.
accoutrements to consider:
-bread crumbs applied with spray glue {not the best idea if you intend to pass your costume down to your future children}
-an empty grey poupon jar as a vestibule for whiskey mustard-colored punch
-a friend dressed as potato salad
-a truck that serves schnitzel as your vehicle
happy hallowiener everybody!!

xoxo

yeh

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

week 43: the token awful one


 it had to happen sometime, no?
i don't really want to talk about it.
because this is a happy blog, goddamnit. 
not a the-cheese-in-this-fritter-tastes-like-it-was-once-powdered blog.
and certainly not a hold-on-a-sec-while-i-scrape-away-all-of-the-fat-on-this-pukey-looking-pork-that-i'm-going-to-try-anyways-because-it-costs-half-my-rent blog.
molly is a sad sad queasy barfy panda :-[
the good that came spewing out of this situation {like projectile style} was a lovely hang with wonderful friends,
and the reaffirmed belief that the only foods that should ever be consumed on the upper west side are
tacos
and bagels
and pizza.
pray that i make up for this one in my remaining nine restaurants.

xoxo

yeh


this restaurant has already been blocked out of my memory. don't ask me where it is or i'll hit you with the grumpy stick.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

week 42: hill country chicken


fried chicken is an acquaintance of mine.
i've met it before, it says hi to me in the hallways, and i certainly have nothing against it... 
but in my wee days, when faced with the two children's menu staples of chicken fingers or mac and cheese,
my choice was always, always, always mac and cheese. 
something about the inconsistency of the breading from wansternaut to wansternaut is probably what did it.
{sorry, wansternaut is restaurant in wee me talk}
i simple never developed that intimate relationship with chicken fingers that i have with so many other foods.
but with today's visit to 
i finally have a trusted friend in fried chicken.
in making up for lost time {or in saving room for pie at the end}
i got a kids meal :-)
two everythingisbiggerintexas chicken tenders
can you pretty please substitute my fries for 
cheesey mashed tatoes
 and
a buttermilk biscuit!
and an ample amount of honey mustard, hot sauce, honey, and ketchup. mmmmm sauce!
...
wow those are some juicy chicken tenders!!!
juicy and sweet and soft. and the protective shell was thick and crunchy and... oh it all tasted so fresh!
it transcended the impressions that my childhood chicken tenders had ingrained in me. 
so yummy. and even yummier was this sequence:
dip a chickens in hot sauce, then dip it in honey mustard, then eat it, and then immediately take a bite of the biscuit 
{to create the illusion of a biscuit sandwich}
the mashed tatoes were fine. i kept praying they'd turn into mac and cheese. but you can't eatem all. 
dessert was a baby pie!!
it's happening, it's really happening:
pies are the new donuts which were the new cupcakes until pies became the new cupcakes. 
and by commutative property:
pies are the new cupcakes.
whoopie!!!!!! {no pun intended, but get it? i thought it was clev.}
anyways, as much as i wanted to report back that i ate an apple cheddar pie,
i was way more in the mood for the 
whiskey buttermilk pie!
 it was adorable. almost like a lighter, soupier crack pie. 
the whiskey took me a second to register. but it's there. oh it's there.

dear hill country chicken,
thanks for making me a friend in fried chicken.
also thanks for being there for all of the people who think they want kfc but would rather enjoy a finer meat and a longer life. 



xoxo

yeh


hill country chicken is on the corner of 25th and broadway
 {a block away from its mommy, hill country barbecue}


Thursday, October 21, 2010

a lamb's life


hi lamb!
die lamb!
become stew!
 get in my belly!
get in culver lake's too!
....
today was such a special treat!!
mr. schnitzel truck's mommy made the most delicious lamb stew.
it was all warm and homey and comforting... perfect for a stewy day like today.
i found the best way to eat it was to hallow out a piece of ciabatta and fill er up to make sort of a sloppy joe/bread bowl type deal. 
amazing!!!
go schnitzel truck mama!!!

xoxo

yeh


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

let's take the choo choo to a little town in the mountains


 
where people wave hello
and there's a main street called main street
and a little stand outside the book store says "free books!"
we'll go to the town market
and they'll pamper us with stone soup, pumpkins, and cinnamon...
if i get cold, it's ok i have my mittens. you have yours too??
and a few victorian houses 
will take up our afternoon,
then a little cafe on the corner will serve egg creams and mac and cheese.
you'll say something funny. i'll smile.
we'll stroll till dusk, down the river, out on the dock.
and then back to the city we'll go!
so won't you come to beacon with me last weekend?


xoxo


yeh


Saturday, October 16, 2010

week 41: donatella



after a week of boring, sad, poopy, forgettingmyjacketwhenitwasreallycold-ness,
all i want in a pizza night is the suburbs, a puppy or two, bat mitzvah sweatpants, lou malnati's, and maybe some of mum's boozey brownies for dessert... 
but in the event that home is like a ten day bike ride away,
the happiest choice is to embrace this city and experience a kind of pizza night that would never exist in the chicago suburbs... 
one that includes:
a giant gold pizza oven
 donatella arpaia's cleavage 
and pizza that you eat with your hands. 
and luke!!
 ...like mustards, there can never be too many napoletana pizza places in my life. 
so praise cheeses for 
in the beginning, there was arancini filled with peas and sausage
which at first seemed nakey without red sauce, but at first bite had so much flavor that adding sauce would have just been silly.
if there's anything more underrated than knickers, it's arancini.
 i don't know why more people don't stuff their faces with them every single day of their lives. 
...
word on the street about the margherita up in here is that it's perfect.
{so that choice was obvious}
also obvious was the choice to get the
diavola
spicy sausage+chili oil+mozzarella+tomaters
they were both absolutely delicious!! 
they oozed with flavor... i don't even think red pepper and parmesan shakers even {need to} exist here.
the margherita was indeed amazing, and the diavola, while fire-in-my-mouth inducing, was super tasty.
the only problem with perfect things is that there's no room for the fat kids 
{the flawed, uneven, overly-doughy parts that i love more than anything {is that cause i'm a fat kid?}} 
the crust was gooey and perfectly charred, 
but i wanted more of it!!!!
but instead of ordering another margherita, i filled up the excess tummy space with donuts 
i know, i know, i'll shut up about donuts already. i'm working on pie now... 
donatella's zeppole in a verse by luke:
we have balls. 
we have cherries.
 we have creme.
i'm gonna pop this cherry. 
there's also nuts.
they, too, were so good!
everything was so solid!
and do you know how fun it is to enjoy a meal while a gold r2d2 is in the corner?
really reeeeally fun!
can all of the rest of my 11 restaurants be napoletana pizza? please? maybe?

xoxo

yeh


donatella is on 8th between 19th and 20th.


Friday, October 15, 2010

happy birthday mum!!!!!!!!!


it's mommy's birthday!!!
this is a picture of her, as accurately as my drawring skills would allow.
isn't she pretty???
she's the best mama ever!
i miss her so so much 
and i wish she was here right now so i could bake her a gossip girl cake and take her to wallse and to the schnitzel truck and to see one of them broadway shows.
i also wish that whoever stole the blueberry lemon verbena jam that i bought for her would get hit by a moped. 
i love you, mum!


xoxo

yeh

Sunday, October 10, 2010

the day i overdosed on food.


if i made a list of everything that i ate today, you would be shocked. i would be grossed out. the world would explode.
so take cover because i'm going to do just that...
the following was eaten between the hours of noon and 5pm today, at the new york city wine and food festival: 
a tongue slider, a bacon cheeseburger, tater tots filled with bacon, a bacon egg roll, vanilla ice cream with wasabi dust, a sprinkle cookie, two ham and cheese crepes, a lamb sandwich, a lamb taco, a korean taco, another taco, bone marrow and oxtail marmalade on brioche, vanilla mousse, a chocolate caramel cupcake, tater salad, a super spicy kati roll, pork on rice, lamb and figs on couscous, a fluffer nutter cookie sandwich, a falafel wrap, a blondie, a mexican chocolate brownie, a peanut butter and jelly cookie sandwich, about six other unidentified sandwiches...
and to wash it all down i had egg creams, vodka, cherry vodka, wine, smart water, and milk shakes. 
stuffed is an understatement. 
like,
pop my belly with that tooth pick of yours and watch midtown get rained on by tacos.
it was disneyland. 
disneyland times trader joe's plus the barney's warehouse sale divided by kenmare's new york times rating. 
disneyland with booze and pat lafrieda things...
populated by andrew zimmern, ming tsai, an anderson twin, chef spike, jeffrey chodorow,
the super hunk that is tyler florence...
schnitzel friends, the midtown lunch man...
and the most wonderful girl behind this amazing blog {all the way from miami!!}
so. don't mind me, i'll be at the salad bar for the next month... 
but it's ok because it was worth every stretch mark!

xoxo

yeh

Friday, October 8, 2010

week 40: terroir


an amazing meal in this city is easy to find. i can walk out my front door, spit, and trust that my spit will land on multiple good food places.
an amazing experience is a little more high maintenance. it takes super silly people, endless good conversation, magic, glitter, a crap ton of tasties, 
and gallons of riesling. 
good thing my night at terroir had all of that.
::::
my dates consisted of oleg, hannah {you know them from here}, donny, and mister culverlake
and we're all friends because of schnitzel. it's like a schnitzel fan club. or mafia. or support group.
but apparently if you're out with the schnitzel truck man, it's faux pas to order schnitzel. 
so i held my tongue and we got the selection on the menu that said something to the effect of
if you don't like looking at menus,
sit your tookus down and we'll bring you whatever we want to bring you. 
best decision ever. 
 for hours we sat, sipping wine, talking about cheese and paris and other awesome things, 
and every so often a new little plate would come strolling out, begging to be destroyed.
beet risotto balls flew through the air, bone marrow bruschetta globbed across the table, 
and at one point, without even thinking about it, i ate a mushroom sandwich. {i was just having such a good time and all of a sudden a mushroom was in my mouth, and i noticed it, but i somehow didn't care i just kept eating it...and i survived, miraculously.}
we also got chicken liver and crispy duck salad and lamb sausages and dandelion greens and a reuben!
yep, i think we actually tried just about everything on the menu except for the schnitzel. awkward.
 it was delicious. everything had gobs of flavor! my favorites were the bright red risotto balls and the duck salad and the chicken liver. 
really. four of my new favorite people + risotto balls...under one roof?? i was certainly a happy molly.
cruising through manhattan afterwards, listening to la roux... that made a happy molly too. 
go to terroir. wear your eating pants, don't ride your bike there, and bring a lot of {cool} people so that you can try everything. it will be a jolly time.

...oh my...i've got12 restaurants to go.

xoxo

yeh

terroir {terr-warr} is on harrison and greenwich in tribeca. there's another one on east 12th... but tribeca is so gosh darn pretty!

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